When God Broke me down

So here we are ?? - What then happened from August 2003 - Oct 22, 2004.

Herb and I along with some other wonderful people are very involved in our church youth group. We belong to this incredible ministry called "Life Teen" and the mission of this ministry is to Lead Teens Closer to Christ. Well, as most leaders do - we were scheduled to go to a Life Teen Core weekend retreat. I knew in my heart that I wanted to attend this retreat and that I needed it now more than ever. As I felt very alone in my walk, confused, angry and bitter. I was not sure what was going to happen at this retreat. As when you walk with the Lord there are always surprises. I did not want any more surprises and I was very scared at what the Lord had in store for me. Now keep in mind that we lost Baby Emmanuel 14th months prior. We ended up at the retreat October 22nd, 2004 (this was our due date for Baby Emmanuel). The weekend started off late Friday afternnoon and it ended on Sunday. I had gotten to the retreat house that Friday pretty early - a few of us were there earlier and we had gone to be able to pray for one another and for the rest of the core members that were going to attend.

Well when I tell you that there was so much healing that was done. Not only with myself but also with my relationship with other friends and family. On Sunday we were affirming one another before the sessions were over and it's almost like God entered my soul and took over. I have never ever ever cried so much like I cried that Sunday. (For those of you that don' t know this crying in the sprititual realm of life is the first signs of healing and cleansing). And then, it was Herb's turn to begin to affirm others and he broke down completely as well. This was a huge break thru not only for him but also in our marriage. As he mentioned so many things that I was not aware of. He always felt like he had to be the stronger one to give me the support to get thru this trial with losing the baby, but little did he know that we are all called to draw our inner strength from the Lord and not from one another. When I explained this to him as all 20 core members were in tears, it was almost like a 1000 pound brick was lifted from his spirit and so the brick was also lifted from my spirit.

For the first time in 15mths, I felt alive again. God had truly healed me and had finally removed the veil from my eyes to be able to see and live again. He is truly our Lord and Savior in all aspects of our life.

We concluded our retreat and headed to mass, and all Core Members were emotionally drained for the experience that we had just endured. It was not until I had gotten home later that evening that I called my sister to tell her about my retreat and about my healing experience. I was so blessed to be able to tell her everything that I had been feeling inside and I must have asked her for forgiveness 100 times. I knew that I had to receive forgiveness from her so that we could begin our sister to sister relationship all over again and I must say that day was the beginning of my new life with her. I love you soooo much, thank you for being a blessing in my life.

My sister gave us a card that I wanted to share on Isabella's journal and this is what it said

" Someone's watching over you with the greatest love. Someone wants you to be happy, safe and secure. Someone considers you a wonderful individual and cares about your needs. Someone's making blessings for your benefit right now like sunshine for those rainy days and rainbows to remind you of the promise up ahead. Someone's watching over you especially today. I know .... because I've asked the Lord to take good care of you" that's what the card said and this is what she wrote:

"Ily and Herb remember how the world was drowning around Noah ? And do you remember how his faith brought him to a beautiful rainbow. In October (which was supposedly the due date for Baby Emmanuel) your faith is going to lead you to a beautiful rainbow and he shall be named Emmanuel".

God Bless ! All my love, Munny

Well here we are three years later and my sister was right. In October my faith did lead us to a beautiful rainbow and his name is Emmanuel meaning God is with us and indeed he was. May his grace continue to shower upon us.

For those of you that read this, if you ever find yourself in a situation that you are in non -speaking terms with someone in your family. Please I pray that you don't allow the enemy to continue to poison you with his evilness. God always prevails if we give him our battles, don't hesistate on knowing this. This is the truth and there is alot of wisdom in scripture when it says "The truth will set you free" because it did it for me.

God Bless and remember:

"God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it." 1 Corinthians 10:13